Thanks and Giving
by Phoebe Miller
Summary: 10.09 coda - Danny and Steve have a long talk after the party's over.


**This fluffy bit of teeth shattering sweetness is dedicated to Irene Claire and Tracey450. I'm so thankful for both of you. **

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"I love the holidays." Danny stretched his arms above his head. His feet had fallen asleep but he hesitated to move. Eddie had made himself comfy on ground next to them when he'd been kicked off the chair.

"I know you do, partner." Steve squeezed Danny's knee. "I'm sorry you don't have the kids."

"You mean – sorry Rachel couldn't accept your invite. She's on the island. They went to some swanky buffet. Or so she said. She still sees Stan when he's in town. He loves the kids, so I can't say no. It hasn't been easy for him."

Steve held his tongue about Danny's ex. He focused on more important things. "Will you see Grace?"

"Yea for five minutes." Danny's voice dripped with disappointment and anger. He sighed and cleared his throat as he ran his hand through his hair. Both were measures to calm himself. "She's busy with school. Doesn't have a lotta time. I told her we'd catch up at Christmas. I mean, I see her a few times a week. She video calls all the time. You'd think she misses me or something."

Steve nodded, looking sad. He hated the way Danny blew off his feelings. He did it all the time.

Danny caught Steve's concern. "Hey, it's okay. Grace is an adult. Sorta. I have to get used to this. Letting her grow up."

A frown flashed across Steve's face before he softened. "Doesn't mean it isn't hard."

Taking a drink of his beer, Danny didn't make eye contact with Steve. Instead, he scratched Eddie behind the ears. Steve watched and waited, letting his friend have the floor. There wasn't much to say anyway. Sometimes, words were cheap.

Not wanting to dive into his pain, Danny changed the subject.

"Why does Quinn know about Rachel?"

Steve coughed mid drink and beer dribbled down his chin. He swiped his face and chewed on a laugh for a second. "Maybe she did a background check? You know, wanting to get to know all of us?"

He tried hard to be nonchalant, but Danny saw through him right away.

"You told her?" Danny studied Steve, squinting in the softening light. Every syllable and space and pause emphasized as he repeated himself. "You told her."

Steve twitched, but didn't let his chuckle escape. Years of training and this is what he used it for. Not cracking in front of Danny, his work partner, best friend, love of his life.

"Why – uh - did you tell her, Steven?"

Danny set his beer in the sand beside his chair, out of the reach of Eddie's tail. He turned to get a better look at Steve's face. The scrutiny was too much. Steve caved immediately.

"It spilled out okay? We were on a stakeout. I was hungry. She caught me at a weak moment. I mentioned you. She caught on. Asked me about you. I couldn't lie."

"Wait – what is there to tell her?"

"Rachel. You. Me."

Gulping his next breath, Danny shook his head. He stood up, half tripping over Eddie. His beer tipped. He ignored it as he walked to the water's edge, waves lapping at his bare feet.

Steve didn't move for a minute. He'd said too much. His admission was a big one. To Quinn and now to Danny. They never mentioned these feelings. Not with words.

It was his turn to change the subject. Danny turned around when Steve walked toward him.

"So Junior and Tani are helping his parents. They'll be gone for a while." Steve paused and laughed. "No you can't have his room."

This argument had already been settled, but Danny took the bait anyway.

"I don't want Junior's room. That's his space. I'll share the couch with Eddie."

Steve rolled his eyes. Nobody could share that couch with Eddie. It was barely big enough for a sprawling dog. He didn't bother to belabor the point. Instead, he rambled about the festivities that were winding down.

"Looks like everyone's heading home. Kame and company are cleaning up the mess. If I'm paying for the spread, they're gonna clean up."

Danny giggled. "First of all, Kamekona never cleans anything. He has people for that. And you know you're gonna get charged for the cleanup, too, right?"

"All true. That's okay. Gives me time to spend with you."

They looked at one another. Danny wrinkled his nose and took a step back. Then Steve held his arms out. "Come here."

"What? Why?" Danny reacted like a kid being told to eat his broccoli.

This did not deter Steve. His eyes twinkled with mischief. "I know all about your little scheme."

"My scheme?" Danny stepped into Steve's embrace and allowed himself to be hugged.

After a good squeeze and a rough pat on the back, Steve released Danny. Then he did something that could get most people shot. He ran his fingers through Danny's hair.

"Whoa." Danny groaned. "How many beers have you had?"

Steve smiled. "Have I told you I liked your hair this way?"

"Are you coming on to me, Steven J. McGarrett?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Maybe." Danny ducked his head, hiding his blush. He cleared his throat. "Do you know what I'm thankful for?"

Steve frowned, thrown by the deflection. "I couldn't begin to guess, partner."

His voice rough with a sudden rush of emotion, Danny replied. "I'm thankful for Rachel."

Steve flinched and it was obvious. Danny's answer startled him, and in a not so good way. His posture stiffened. He became not hard but brittle. Like he might shatter into a million pieces with the slightest breeze. Danny's next words could destroy him.

Danny leaned in and whispered impossibly close to Steve's ear. "It's not what you think. You big loveable infuriating marshmallow of an idiot."

Steve wrinkled his nose, still speechless. A part of him refused to show his best friend what being called a marshmallow did to him.

Danny loved it, though. Ate it up. He relished moments like this. He knew what he was doing to Steve. How could he not know?

"It's cliché - god it's so cliché it hurts – but without her, I wouldn't be here. She brought me here."

"Grace brought you here." Steve's response was abrupt, sharp.

Danny smiled. "True, but Rachel helped me create –"

"Ew Danny. I don't need that visual."

"Oh yea, why is that?" Danny traced a button on Steve's shirt with his finger.

"You're gonna make me say it?"

They held a glance, sharing in the same memory. A collapsed building. True feelings exposed. Words making it real. Cementing their once-in-a-lifetime relationship. Friends or more than that. Didn't matter. What they had was special.

"That's my line but yea, Steve, I'm gonna make you say it. It's been too long."

"Well, who's fault is that?" Anger flared. Steve's eyes were K-bar knives. Then, they went blank. He knew he'd revealed too much. "You made your decision."

"Did I?"

"What?" Steve spit this time.

"How do you know what's going on with Rachel, huh? You haven't asked me for months."

"Why should I? And I've been … busy."

Danny sighed, shaking his head. He'd blown it. He went too far. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Danny-" Steve grabbed Danny's hand. It took two to tango. "I'm sorry. I know what you're getting at."

Water rushed to meet them, splashing their legs. The tide was coming in. Neither man moved.

Steve continued. "Before I left –"

"Yea before." Danny's eyes watered, catching the colors of the setting sun.

"I wanted to tell you." Steve stopped. He looked at their joined hands. "I needed to focus. I couldn't-"

"I know, babe."

"To continue what you so inelegantly started about gratitude. I'm thankful for Doris." Steve took a deep breath before adding to this thought. "I'm thankful for my Mom. She led me to you."

"That's a bit of a leap."

Steve squeezed Danny's hand. Hard.

"Hey, ow." Danny yelped but didn't pull away.

"Follow my lead?"

"Always, babe." Danny squeezed back. "I get it."

"I know you do, Danny. I can always count on you. You're always here for me." Steve grinned like he knew a big secret. "I'm thankful you're here. Mold or no mold. I know you'd rather be with your kids. And maybe Rachel."

"With Rachel. It's complicated." Danny shrugged.

Steve didn't look at Danny. It hurt. "I know."

"Hey, look at me." Danny raised his voice. "We're complicated. You and me."

Steve let go of Danny's hand but Danny grabbed it again.

"When you were gone, for weeks, I didn't know where you were. South America. Mexico. I kept telling myself I'd know if you were dead. But that's a fantasy. I'd like to think I'd know. That I'd feel something. That we have a-" Danny stopped.

Steve filled in the blank. "A connection?"

"Yea a connection." Danny held up their hands. "I kept telling myself it would all work out. And you know what? It worked - your voice in my head. It worked for awhile. Until I couldn't hear it anymore."

"You hear voices, Daniel?"

"Shut it." Danny yanked Steve closer, punching him with his free hand.

"I deserved that times a thousand."

"Then Junior pulled his stunt, and I was talking to you on the phone. Hearing your voice. For real."

Danny sighed, relaxing. Releasing so much tension.

"It was good to hear your voice, too." Steve looked away. "And then you showed up at my door."

"I couldn't help it. I really did need to make sure you didn't wander off. To make sure you were – real."

Steve raised his eyebrows at the word real.

"You heard me. I'd lost track of time. Sure, I held it together for Grace and Charlie and the team. I took care of business. But when I was alone – and Rachel saw right through me. That's why she's not here. She told me I needed to figure things out with you before there was even the possibility of her and me. She gave me an ultimatum." Danny shook his head. "Can you believe it?"

Danny let go of Steve and turned away, focusing on the water. They were quiet for a minute or two. The ocean was the only sound. Then Steve asked. "Have you figured it out?"

"Huh?" Lost in thought, Danny didn't hear Steve right.

"Have you figured it out? And to clarify what it is – me and you."

"Honestly, I don't know. I'm not even sure you're real. I'm here to keep an eye on you. To make sure you don't disappear on me."

"I won't disappear."

"We both know that's impossible to promise. Some guy might call for another shady meeting in a parking garage."

"Touché."

"And you said it. Life has its own terms."

Steve nodded, letting Danny continue.

"I'm thankful you're home safe. And mostly in one piece. I'm so sorry – kick me out if you want – but I want to spend the holiday with you. I'm selfish. And worried. I know what it's like to lose someone. This time of year sucks."

"I'm fine."

"Don't feed me that bullshit." Danny growled. "Your shoulder isn't healing as fast as you like. I know you still have limited motion."

The depth of Steve's scowl was lost in the fading light.

"Glare at me all you like. Doesn't change the fact that we're older. We don't heal as fast. And some things stay broken for a long time."

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't fix everything."

"Wasn't trying."

"It's okay to miss your mom."

"I keep seeing her…" His voice trailed off.

Nodding, Danny added. "I have dreams where I shot Matty. Instead of leaving, he died right there."

Steve scanned Danny's face, eyes sad and concerned. "Still?"

"It'll never go away. Not completely. I still see my friend Billy sometimes."

"That wasn't your fault."

"Neither is your mom."

Steve hardened, jaw set.

"Don't give me that 1000-yard stare. Your mom made her own choices. Like you said – she could have come back to the islands. To you and Mary." Danny pulled Steve closer, bracing himself for a rough reaction. When he got no resistance, he put his hand on Steve's waist. "It's okay to blame yourself."

"What?"

"I get it."

"But don't stay in that dark place too long, okay?"

"I'm alright, Danny." Steve whispered.

"No." Danny tugged on Steve's shirt. "You're not okay. Far from it."

"How do you know?"

"I'm a bit of an expert."

"Expert?"

"Tani called me the Steve whisperer."

Steve cracked a smile. "Steve whisperer?"

"Hey, someone's gotta do it, babe."

"Does this job come with hazard pay?"

"I don't know. Does it?"

Steve leaned in til their noses were almost touching. "This okay?"

Danny grinned. "Go for it."

Closing his eyes, Steve hesitated, breathing with his partner for a few seconds. Then, he cut the distance and felt like he was falling and falling until their lips touched.

And they both had a whole new reason to be thankful.

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_**Cheesy, I know. But I like it. Hope you do, too. **_


End file.
